Emily

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
4321-emily
miserablest

i. when i screamed at my father to let me go and let me end my own life i watched his eyes fill with tears and begged me not to leave him with the guilt that he couldn’t save me from the monsters in my head; but before i could grasp any sense of touch the police vans had already surrounded my house and i continued to shake in the corner with my father guarding over me like he did when it was my first week in a crib seventeen years ago, the paramedics rushed in to tell me i had one million reasons to survive but all i could do is find all the detachment i had from the world to scream at them that i didn’ t care and begged them to let me die.

ii. i watched my father cry into the palms of his hands outside the ambulance when they asked me what my pain scale was from one to ten and i told them it was enough to feel like i was already dead.

iii. i went to therapy in your clothes, she watched me cry into the sleeves of your sweatshirt as i begged her to help me get you back, i couldn’t help but glance at her arms that were full of 2 centimetre thick scars carved across her left arm once she opened the door to let me out. she asked me six times to give another example of safety which weren’t involved with anything to do with you.

iv. my nan gave me a bracelet that was red with a bell planted on it, i didn’t understand why until she said red stood for the blood i wanted to see across my wrists and the bell was to jingle whenever i needed her, i don’t think she quite realised how much it broke my heart until my eyes filled up and my head fell into her chest when she swore she wouldn’t let me lose myself the way i did that day.

v. there was a spare seat at the table which couldn’t help but remind me of you and that it should’ve been you sat there not a abundance of nothingness planted beside me. i guess thats the way it’s going to be now but i promise i’ll always keep that space free, i would rather have the nothingness than somebody else taking your place.

titled: things that have happened since the day you left one week ago
sun 15 mar 19:08
deceptivelips

Dear Future Daughter:

1) When you’re at some party, chain smoking on the roof with some strange girl with blue hair and exorbitant large dark eyes, ask her about her day. I promise you, you won’t regret it. Often times you’ll find the strangest of people have the most captivating of stories to tell.

2) Please, never mistake desire for love. Love will engulf your soul, whilst desire will emerge as acid, slowly making it’s way through your veins, gradually burning you from the inside out.

3) No one is going to fucking save you, anything you’ve read or heard otherwise is bullshit.

4) One day a boy is going to come along who’s touch feels like fire and who’s words taste like vanilla, when he leaves you, you will want to die. If you know anything at all, know that it is only temporary.

5) Your mental health comes before school baby, always. If its midnight, and you have an exam the next day but your hands have been shaking for the past hour and a half and you’re not so sure you want to be alive anymore, pull out that carton of Ben and Jerry’s and afterwards, go the fuck to bed. So what if you get a 68% on the exam the next day? You took care of yourself and at the end of the day that will always come before a high test score. To hell with anyone who tells you differently

Abbie Nielsen
(via deceptivelips)
emilylittle4321-blog
1. Not all love will be good love but it will all teach you something.

2. Stop overthinking because it’s not suppose to be that hard. If you love someone you tell them and you go from there.

3. Everyone shows their love differently. Just because they don’t show it the same way you do doesn’t mean they don’t care just as much.

4. If someone ever makes you feel unworthy of love, leave them. Get out as quick as you can and never look back. You deserve to be loved by someone who appreciates you without a doubt.

5. Sometimes it’s better just not to say anything. Take an hour and think about it. Some things aren’t worth the fight.

6. Love is a decision you have to make every single day.

7. Don’t compare your love story to someone else’s. All that matters is that everyone is happy together. How you get there is not important.

8. There are going to be lots of people that bring you flowers. Wait for the person who plants a whole garden for you to grow together.

9. Never forget about the little things that make your relationship special.

10. Never stop loving. Even when your heart is breaking, believe in love. Because it is coming, and when it finds you it will be amazing. I promise.
10 lessons//20 years (via ifthenightcouldtalk)